Marriage That Give Life

Introduction

Getting married is one of the biggest risks we will take in life because we are making a life-long covenant with someone in the most intimate relationship possible between a man and a woman. The risk comes because our commitment is to someone whose value system for achieving similar goals in life is different from ours and we have to trust them to honour their vows and be faithful to us whatever happens. The partner we choose has a sovereignty over their own life that we cannot control so we cannot force them to be faithful to us if they choose not to be faithful. The tragedy of today is that so many enter into marriage because they have ‘fallen in love’ with very little understanding of how to live with somebody in this intimate relationship with their very different value systems thinking that love will conquer all. The problem is that this ‘all conquering love’ is flawed by self interest which can turn to hate If it thinks it isn’t getting a good enough return on its investment. The divorce rate among Christian marriages proves that theweakness in the way we go about getting married. We will strengthen our chances of running the marriage race to the end if we make some attempt to consider the intention of God’s heart when He gave marriage to the human race.

We shall begin in Genesis before the fall where we get a clear picture of God’s purpose in creating us. It is important to start here because all the passages about the relationship of men and women and husbands and wives in the rest of the bible find their interpretation in the light of our creation. We need to understand who men and women are supposed to be, how they were intended to relate, what effect our fall into sin had on that original design and finally what God has done through our saviour Jesus Christ to restore us back to the way things are meant to be. It is not our prerogative to tell God what his Word says, it is His, through the Holy Spirit, to tell us what it means. The ways of the Kingdom of God have never changed since the beginning because God as never changed. The Lord’s prayer says thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven not my will be done in heaven as it is on earth. In these days when the visible church seems to accept more and more of the world’s values it is time for the true people of God to rise up and seek the Holy Spirit to enable us to do things His way so we can reflect His glory to the world around us.

The influence of the way today’s society views men and women and marriage makes this a controversial subject. People hold very strong opinions which are often held in place by a fear of loss through a return to the inequalities and oppressions of the past. Fear of loss is one of the most powerful driving forces of our behaviour. It was the reason why the rich young ruler rejected Jesus offer of salvation. The human heart is very possessive so it wants to gain something without losing anything so in marriage we often want to gain the blessings of a partner without losing any of our independence and personal goals. Even as new creations in Christ self protection plays a big part in our lives. Our experiences of pain and loss from the manifestation of the flesh in marriages and other relationships is often used to justify our interpretations of the bible so we can go on protecting ourselves rather than risk exposure to the truth of the Word of God and face the challenges it brings. Jesus warns us in Mark 8:35For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel's will save it. that if we try to save ourselves it won’t work and we may well suffer the loss we are trying to avoid. The world and the flesh offers us many ways to protect ourselves in our marriages so we can minimise our exposure to hurt. They can even cause us to appear to succeed and be satisfied but in reality we lose because we deny ourselves the greater blessing of being totally abandoned to God’s way of living. Using what the world offers for Christian living and marriage in particular is like Saul who saved the best of the plunder from the Amalakites he had been told to completely destroy to use for the service of God. The result was that his disobedience lost him his kingdom. Worldly wisdom says ‘if it’s not broken don’t fix it’ but we need to appreciate that in the kingdom of God it’s broken if it’s not the way God intended it to be even if it works.

Bible Correctness verses Political Correctness

It is important that if we are going to seek to shed light on subjects that are controversial and where opinions are strongly held that we pursue a course of Biblical correctness rather than political correctness. In today’s world with its obsession with male and female equality the bible’s concept of the purpose and relationship of men and women and husbands and wives is unacceptable. The church not wishing to be seen to perpetuate the bad old days of male dominance tends to try to Christianise the world’s viewpoint instead of following the Word of God which gives true equality. The current division and confusion has been brought about by the church allowing the scriptures which teach us about the position, purpose and roles of men and women and husbands and wives to be corrupted by the culture of the world. We have incorrectly interpreted Headship, Help-meet, Equality and Obedience according to the world’s view of these things.

Headship

The headship of husbands is supposed to be like the headship of God, exercised with ‘agape’ love. The concept of dominating those you are head of is part of sin coming into our experience because we were not given authority over each other before the fall. It is the selfishness that sin introduced with its resulting fears of loss that causes us to fight and exploit each other to protect our own ends. In Mark 10:42 – 45But Jesus called them to Himself and said to them, “You know that those who are considered rulers over the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Yet it shall not be so among you; but whoever desires to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever of you desires to be first shall be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.” Jesus expressly tells us that we are not to use our authority the way the world does. Any form of headship that oppresses someone or denies them the opportunity to be the person God wants them to be never comes from God. A husband’s headship is to reflect God’s lordship of His creation which is best seen through the sacrifice of the cross. God became everything He wasn’t so we could become everything He is. A husband’s headship of his family is demonstrated by his sacrificial attitude towards them so they can become everything God wants them to be.

Helpmeet

The concept of a wife being a ‘help-meet’ to her husband is miss-understood by today’s culture because we think it means taking up a lower position, like a servant to a master. This is not scripturally true. Genesis tells us that woman was deliberately created to be a suitable helper to man. I will create a help meet for you because it is not good for you to be alone says God when He made her. This role does not demean wives or women in any way nor does it take away her equality to her husband. In the trinity Father Son and Holy Spirit are all equal but they have different roles. Jesus said of the Holy Spirit He will not speak of Himself He will reveal Me to you. This role of helper to Jesus does not make Him any less God or take away his equality with the other members of the Godhead. A wife’s relationship to her husband is to be a reflection of the relationship of the Holy Spirit to the church. This is an honourable position.

Equality

The equality of husbands and wives comes from the fact that they are made in the same image of God not from them doing the same thing. Equality is a heart attitude not an ability to do what someone else does. The stress put on husbands and wives through the quest for the world’s idea of equality is bringing more harm than good because it is putting them under pressure to take on roles and do things they have not been equipped to do. When God created men and women to glorify Himself by making man head of the affairs on earth, to care for it and protect it with woman as his perfectly suitable helper God equipped them for that purpose in body soul and spirit. This purpose is fulfilled as each partner gives themselves wholeheartedly to their God given roles in society in general and marriage in particular. Don’t fall for the deception that you have to do what you have not been equipped to do just to make yourself feel equal. Our equality is expressed by the harmony of our differences. Our differences are not meant to be a nuisance and a source of irritation or the subject of coarse humour they are a deliberate creation of God so we can reflect the triune nature of the God who created us. Gender neutrality is a demonically inspired corruption of the God given harmony produced by our gender complementary creation.

Obedience

The word obedience which causes so much trouble to modern wives is not like the obedience to a military command but the freely given obedience of loving trust like our obedience to Jesus. A Christian obeys Jesus not because he has to out of a fear of punishment but because he knows that he is loved and any command from Jesus is for his highest good. Obedience in marriage is a response of a wife out of the knowledge her husband loves her. It is also quite clear from scripture that this obedience to her husband is limited. Wives are not bound to obey what is immoral or criminal. Something they should never be asked to do anyway.