Marriage That Give Life

Hearts, Roots and Roles in Marriage

Now we have looked at an overview of the heart of God concerning the way He intended us to be men and women we can move on and look in more detail at the roles God intended them to fulfil. In so doing we will be able to see clearly their roles in marriage and how we are supposed to practice them. We will also discover what is the root motivation of their behaviour. It is very important to understand when considering roles that the bible teaches that different roles do not mean that the people who have them are either superior or inferior to each other like they are in the world. 1 Cor 12:4 – 7There are diversities of gifts, but the same Spirit. There are differences of ministries, but the same Lord. And there are diversities of activities, but it is the same God who works all in all. But the manifestation of the Spirit is given to each one for the profit of all: says that although there are different gifts, ministries and activities it is the same God who works in all of them so whatever we do and whatever we become we are all equal.

Man

Genesis 1 & 2 give us the following facts as to why men are the way they are

1. Gen 2:5before any plant of the field was in the earth and before any herb of the field had grown. For the Lord God had not caused it to rain on the earth, and there was no man to till the ground; It may come as a surprise to us to discover that Adam was not created in the garden that was in Eden. Exactly what the world looked like at this time in its development is difficult to say but this passage clearly shows that the garden was planted after man had been made so he was put into an already completed work. John Eldridge whose books I thoroughly recommend has written one about the character of man called ‘Wild at Heart’ which aptly describes us men. By nature we are adventurous, heroic, risk takers, competitive, pioneering, entrepreneurial, achievement centred, focussed on the destination rather than the journey which makes us single minded and solution orientated. C S Lewis depiction of Jesus as Aslan the lion in his Narnia chronicles captures Jesus character perfectly. Aslan was a lion who was good but not tame.
2. Gen 2 v 16 – 17But the Lord God warned him, “And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” The relationship that Adam had with his creator was one of trust and obedience. God had put the tree of the knowledge of good and evil in the garden and given man a command not to eat its fruit. Adam had to trust God that this prohibition was for his highest good. God told him of the consequences of eating it but did not explain what those consequences actually meant
3. Gen 1:26Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” Being made in the image of a Sovereign God meant that Adam had to be given his own position of sovereignty that reflected God’s Sovereignty. God chose the earth as the place where it would be exercised. This is revealed in Ps 115 v 16 The heaven, even the heavens, are the LORD’s; but the earth He has given to the children of men. Once created Adam’s authority in the earth was absolute because he decided everything that happened. When the animals needed naming Adam got the job. It was Adam that named his female part woman Gen 2:23 – 24And Adam said:“This is now bone of my bones
   And flesh of my flesh;
   She shall be called Woman,
   Because she was taken out of Man.”

    

   Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. and it was Adam who named her Eve Gen 3:20And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.. The awesome headship of creation that Adam had been given is best seen in the temptation in Gen 3. God He did not intervene and prevent it happening even though God knew the cost to Himself if Adam made the wrong choice. Adam was entirely responsible for keeping sin out of God’s creation. In the earth God submitted to Adams decision. Adam’s position as head of creation was awesome and the position his descendents have inherited has never been changed or taken away even though we have fallen into sin. As hard as it is to accept Father God still abides by our choices, which is why we have to decide to make Jesus our Lord to receive His salvation. God’s intervention in our lives is by personal invitation only. God will use His sovereignty on behalf of those who crown Him their King. The way to live in the blessing of Ps 91 is declared in the first verse. We need to give serious thought to this power we have especially when we pray for change in our lives because we limit God when we resist living the way His Word tells us to live.

4. Adam was given this awesome position so he could manage the earth to provide for the welfare of all his descendents. Adam would reflect the character of his creator in the way he carried out this task and glorify God. It was the delight of Adams heart to live in the joy of relating to God and caring for the gift of the earth he had been given

This revelation given to us in Genesis 1 & 2 shows that Man was created in the likeness of a God who is love, to be Head of Earth. In this role he was to care for it and as the occasion arose be its protector. He was totally capable of fulfilling this position because he was made in the likeness of God. This capability to rule was maintained by his trust and obedience to God because although man was sovereign he was dependent on his relationship with his creator to exercise it properly. The root of man’s heart was capability and as a result of his capability to rule the creation Man had a great sense of significance and purpose which gave him security and self-worth. He ruled the world, what he said happened. In the absolute sense ‘God said and it was so’, on Earth ‘Man said and it was so’ when Jesus the last Adam came ‘He said and it was so’ and purchased our salvation so that now if we will rise up to the challenge of being His children ‘we can say and it is so’ Mk 11 v 22 – 23So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.. Now because of sin man is born with a deep need to prove to himself and others that he is capable of handling the affairs of life so he can feel significant. These facts about man explain why:-

• they want to rule and have power
• they do not like to show weakness so they will often attempt to do something without help
• they show reluctance to use instructions and ask for directions
• they are reluctant to admit to their mistakes so the hardest word for them to say is sorry
• they often seem reckless by taking unnecessary risks even with their lives
• they are so competitive that they will risk their life to beat their own record
• they seriously decline if they don’t fill the vacuum that ‘retirement’ brings
• being out of work is devastating to them with serious consequences for their lives and marriages
• boys show off in front of girls
• they delight to be asked for advice
• feeling inadequate is their greatest fear

When Edmund Hilary was asked why he had risked his life to climb Mt Everest his reply revealed the male psyche. He said ‘because it was there’. That is reason enough for a man. When I walk by a tree I want to climb it. If I see a cave I want to go in it. I have embarrassed my grandchildren on several occasions because when they go to the play park I want to get to the top of the climbing frame as well. I used to love it when they got stuck at the top so I had to go up to get them. I was out walking with a group of men in Bradgate Park near where I live. It was a men’s fellowship outing. To get back to the cafe near the entrance we had to use a bridge to cross a small river. Just down stream from the bridge was a pipe also crossing the river. Without a word being said most of us elected to use the pipe rather than the bridge.

Because being considered capable is so important to men they are vulnerable when being considered incapable so being considered capable by his wife is vital to his wellbeing and the health of your marriage but constantly ‘putting him right’ by correcting and criticising him, even if your observations and motive is pure, is very damaging to him and your marriage. A wife who does not make an effort to minister to her husband’s need to feel capable runs the serious risk of driving him into the arms of a woman who will.

Eve

Genesis 1 & 2 give us the following facts as to why women are the way they are

1. Gen 2:15 & 22 reveals that unlike Adam Eve was created in the garden that God planted in Eden. This was a place of safety and security not like the wild where Adam was created. This reveals to us that when she becomes involved in man’s adventures she needs a place of safety and protection. The safety of herself and those she loves is of great importance to her.
2. Eve ‘s creation was in two stages. Firstly in Adam, then secondly as a separate being. She was created for the same purpose as Adam Gen 1 v 28Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” to share the position of being in charge of the affairs of managing the earth. When God give the position of headship to Adam He says let them have dominion indicating quite clearly the joint nature of their position.
3. Gen 2 v 18And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”” Starts the revelation as to how she was to fulfil her joint leadership position. As Adam’s perfectly suitable helper. Eve was to be an integral part of Adam’s rule over the creation as a separate but not independent person because Eve was made for the purpose of helping Adam. The words ‘help meet’ is one word in the Hebrew, the word ‘ayzer’ which is translated ‘help meet’ or just ‘help’ in the Old Testament. Eve was created to be the perfect companion and helper to Adam’s position so when Eve was created God had Adam’s purposes in mind. If we make something for someone else the focus of our attention is the one who is going to receive what we are making. She was not made just for her own sake, just as Adam was not made for his own sake either. God’s reason for making both Adam and Eve separate people was for their mutual benefit and so they could obey the command to multiply the human race. Because God foreknew about the effects of sin on the human race, women who remain single are capable of a successful life because they were originally part of man’s headship, capability and authority but they are the weaker vessel and were designed to live under the protection of men.
4. Eve was created differently from Adam Gen 2:21 – 22And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.. God put Adam into a deep sleep and as he slept God removed one of his ribs and replaced it with flesh. God then used the rib that he had taken from Adam to make Eve and presented her to the Man. Because Eve’s spirit and soul had already been created as part of Adam God took this already created part and put it in the female body. In Hebrew the word for rib is tsalab and simply means a physical rib bone which gives us the concept that because of its position and purpose in a man’s body she is the supporter and protector of his heart. 1 Kgs 7:3And it was paneled with cedar above the beams that were on forty-five pillars, fifteen to a row. tells us that Solomon’s great house was supported by beams which stopped the whole building collapsing into a heap of rubble. The word for beams is the same word used in Gen 2:22Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. for rib. Prov 31 the chapter on the virtuous wife says in v 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. The word used for the creation of Eve means made or built so we are left with the idea that when God made Eve He gave it a lot of very careful thought. Like a person selecting a very special gift for someone greatly loved. The result is that Eve was made more sensitive in body soul and spirit than Adam. Her seeing, hearing, touching, smelling and tasting are more sensitive, her emotions are more sensitive and her spiritual discernment is more sensitive. It is typical of God to make the helper more sensitive than the one helped so they can work together like a well oiled machine. Being more sensitive makes Eve the perfect indispensible helper to Adam, it means that to get the best results we have to learn to receive from each other the blessings of our differing abilities. In the world the more skilled are considered to be of greater importance than the less skilled but this is not so in the Kingdom of God, being more skilled just gives you a greater opportunity to serve another.
5. Eve was not present as a separate being when God gave Adam His command about the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. God instructs Adam about the tree in Gen 2:16 – 17And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.” and Gen 2:21 – 22And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. describes the creation of Eve which takes place after the naming of the animals and therefore after the instruction about the tree. So how did she learn about the tree? Because everything that was done on the earth was done through Adam, he told her about everything that had been spoken over her while she was still part of him

Woman, created in God’s image, was a being reflecting the character of God with the same essential characteristics as Man who, with her own sovereignty, was the perfectly suited helper to Man who was the sovereign head of creation so that together they would rule the creation as one on behalf of God. In the same way that Man derived his position and authority through his obedience to God so Woman derived her position and authority through her obedience to Man. She had a relationship of trust towards God and Man. The root of Woman’s heart was trust and as a result of her trust she was able to give herself to Man by making her abilities with their greater sensitivity available to him so he could make her an integral part of his headship which would give her a sense of security and self worth as she lived out this purpose for her life

• These facts about women explains why:-
• detail is essential to their understanding something
• talking is an end in itself because it provides that detail
• she is good at multi-tasking
• being listened to and being involved is important
• she is relational rather than goal orientated
• she needs to weigh up different options to make a good decision
• she puts safety before risk
• her greatest fear is not being secure and safe

Living in an environment she can trust is vital to her wellbeing and the health of your marriage but she is vulnerable to a husband who is untrustworthy and rejects her input as his helper. Lacking integrity is very damaging to her and your marriage. Faithfulness is everything to your wife so infidelity is the ultimate betrayal of her trust and her road to recovery whether she stays married or not is a long and difficult pathway. If a husband doesn’t provide a safe and secure environment for his wife he runs the serious risk of driving her into the arms of a man who will. She is vulnerable to fear through insecurity.

Husbands and Wives

Because capability is the number one priority of a man a wife needs to create an environment in her relationship with her husband that supports that need in his life and because trust is the number one priority of a woman a husband needs to create an environment in his relationship with his wife that supports that need in her life. God’s design is that we make a way for each other not use each other for personal satisfaction. The selfish pursuit of satisfying our own needs may drive our partner away. To make this work husbands and wives have to focus on creating an environment in the marriage that is more important to their partner than to them

Finally there are no other beings on earth that are superior to us because we are the only beings made in God’s image, neither man nor woman or those born of them are in any way superior to each other and our authority to rule was not given us to be used against each other. It was only to be used jointly over the creation. In the heart of every husband there is a deep rooted desire to have a place of headship in his family and in the heart of every wife there is a deep rooted desire to have a place of safety and trust towards her husband for herself and their children so they are able to give themselves to his headship

The Divine Reflection

Marriage is not just about us having a happy well adjusted family life and producing well adjusted mature offspring. It has a much higher purpose and that is to be a visible demonstration of the relationship of Christ and his church. Eph 5 v 32 This is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church. The way a wife supports her husband is to show to the world how we as members of Christ’s church serve Him and the way a husband leads and loves his wife is to show to the world how Christ leads in love and sacrifices Himself for the welfare of His church. Here is a challenging question. What picture do you give to your neighbours of the relationship of Christ and His church from their observation of your marriage relationship?