Relationships That Give Life

Sex

Sex has become an unbridled, out of control passion. It is so part and parcel of our modern culture that its proper place in society has been buried out of sight under a deluge of misunderstanding and error. There are currently, at the time of writing, 3000 children excluded from school on account of their unacceptable sexual behaviour, some of whom are still in primary school. This subject is becoming more and more controversial for real Christians as the world attempts to force the church to accept its continually degenerating standards. When compared to what the church used to stand for it is obvious that many worldly concepts of sexual behaviour are finding ever-increasing acceptance among today’s professing Christians. Much of this acceptance is coming from people who are religious but not actually born again but there is also a growing compromise with the world by genuine Christians. A growing number of Christian people are living together and having sex before marriage as an acceptable way of living and some are even justifying sexual activity which the Bible directly forbids. The world says that the church is behind the times and must accept modern enlightened standards to make itself more attractive. Jesus said we were to be salt and light which we cannot be if we are no different from the world around us. Our morality should stick out like a sore thumb but unfortunately that is not the case anymore. Let us take a trip back to the beginning to look at the subject of sexual behaviour from the perspective of God’s original intention.

Purity

When considering something from God’s point of view we must always keep in mind that the start point of all our understanding of Scripture is the character of God. The following Scriptures declare to us that God is first pure.

Jam 3:17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy.

Ex 20:25 And if you make Me an altar of stone, you shall not build it of hewn stone; for if you use your tool on it, you have profaned it.

Lev 19:19 You shall keep My statutes. You shall not let your livestock breed with another kind. You shall not sow your field with mixed seed. Nor shall a garment of mixed linen and wool come upon you.

All of the prohibitions which the Bible teaches around human sexual behaviour are there so we can conduct our sexual activity in a way that reflects the purity of God. The conclusion we can draw from this is that of itself sex is a pure act, divinely appointed for people to enjoy to the full within the boundaries that God has laid down in His word. The real problem is self-centred lust confused as love. Even the phrase ‘making love’ is misleading because it is often used to describe sexual acts which have very little to do with love. It is important for Christians to really grasp this because the culture we live in causes us to associate sex with lust. We are overwhelmed with images of sex being more associated with behaviour that is not compatible with our Christian faith than it is with behaviour that is compatible with it.

One Flesh

The Bible doesn’t actually talk about ‘having sex’ as a stand-alone experience of pleasure. It uses the phrase ‘one flesh’ which when we examine it, gives us an understanding of what sexual intercourse is actually all about. According to the account of the creation of men and women in Gen 2:18 – 25, they have been specifically made for each other. Because Adam was a combination of male and female when he was first created God made Eve by taking the female out of Adam and making her into a separate being. Therefore men and women do not have separate origins they are one creation separated into two beings. Men are not from Mars and women are not from Venus they are both from God. Together they are able to have a level of communication, achievement and intimacy that is the highest in all creation if they allow themselves to be the men and women God intended them to be. God has provided for man by making woman the way she is and provided for woman by making man the way he is. Men and women are the only beings created in this unique way so they are the only beings who have the ability to develop the special bond the Bible calls ‘one flesh’. Animals mate to produce offspring but they do not become one flesh in the process because males and females appear to be all separate creations. Becoming ‘one flesh’, or in modern terms ‘having sexual intercourse’, is to join back together what was separated in the Garden of Eden. The two people involved no longer remain single, they continue to be individuals but become joined and that happens in every sexual encounter.

The mystery of how the very physical experience of sexual intercourse produces this one flesh bond is explained by the way God has designed our bodies to function. In particular, what happens in the brains of people when they have sex.

Sex is a powerful stimulant. When someone is involved sexually it makes them want to repeat the act. Their brain produces lots of dopamine – a powerful chemical which has been compared to heroin on the brain. Dopamine is our pleasure/reward system. The other parts are Oxytoxin and Vasopressin. Oxytoxin is a hormone produced primarily in women’s bodies which causes her to become emotionally bonded to her partner when she is intimate with him. This is one of the reasons why women will stay with an abusive man because they are reluctant to break the emotional bond produced by their intimacy. Men produce Vasopressin, which is also called the monogamy hormone which has the same effect on him as Oxytoxin has on a woman. It bonds a man to a woman. These bonding agents narrow our selection to one person which is perfect for a marriage but disastrous when it is part of a dating method of finding a life partner. It causes us to lose our objectivity as to who the right partner might be and brings us emotional confusion. It also means we are bonding ourselves to multiple people in a way that is only appropriate for one person. Knowing how these neuro chemicals interact and change the brain helps us understand why sex is meant to be kept within the boundaries of marriage. We see the design of God for His pure temple and why the devil attacks our sexuality so much because in attacking human sexuality he interferes with human bonding.

Who Can Become One Flesh?

Mk 10:6 – 9But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”” tells us that a man cannot become one flesh with another man and a woman cannot become one flesh with another woman even though they may have what they consider is a satisfying sexual experience. Also a man and a woman cannot become one flesh without having sexual intercourse even though they can become very close but what is most important of all is that you cannot have sexual intercourse without becoming one flesh. Paul shows us this In 1 Cor 6:15-17Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.” But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. where he says that even the most selfish kind of sex, sex with a prostitute, joins us together. The bonding together that sexual intercourse produces is the reason why it is restricted to people who have made a life-long covenant of marriage together. The wedding service with its legally binding responsibilities is the permission granted by God for you to have sex with each other. God’s intention is that the fullness of husband and wife becoming joined together starts the first time they have sexual intercourse after having entered the security of the covenant of marriage. Then it is meant to continue to develop into an all encompassing intimacy as each partner opens their hearts to each other in the sure and certain knowledge of the exclusivity of their relationship. Into this relationship children are born in the security of the love the parents have for each other so they can be brought up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. From this deep intimate family harmony they eventually leave to produce their own family unit and hence the human race grows in love and godliness. From this we can see that ‘sex’ was never designed for selfish gratification at the expense and violation of others. A great lover is one man who can sexually satisfy his wife for the whole of their married life, not a man who goes from woman to woman, any dog can do that. Sex outside this covenant of marriage is forbidden because it is destructive.

Destructive Sex

Sexual sin is very destructive to our relationships. Paul explains this in 1 Cor 6:18Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. where he says that sexual immorality is sinning against our own body. STDs are a unique disease because you can only get them from an immoral lifestyle. Two faithful partners will never give each other an STD no matter how many times they have intercourse. It is not sex that gives you an STD it is sexual unfaithfulness. Another fact about the sexual relationship is that the past histories of the couple become merged together so the sex act causes your lives with all their history to become entwined together. Promiscuity has a demonic aim. It is to bring about emotional confusion by intertwining many lives that should be separate and to allow demonic influence to transfer from person to person. Sex practiced the way the world practices it means that the human race has produced many millions of ‘one flesh’ connections that should never have been made. This strong bond is the source that produces all our feelings about the rights we think we are due from our sexual partner. The sense of ownership and control we have towards our partner comes from our ‘one flesh’ bond. The breakup of a sexually active couple has led many a man to murder his girl or girl her man when they have decided they want a new partner. Such is the power of the one flesh bond. Fortunately God’s salvation has the power to deliver us completely from the consequences of any ‘one flesh’ bond that we should not have made.

Contrast Between The World and The Bible

The world considers sex as part of the ‘pleasure industry’, a stand alone, totally physical experience to be pursued for your pleasure, when you want to, where you want to, how you want to and with whom you want to. Mutual consent is the only requirement. If you both like a perversion then it’s not a perversion for you. The law of this nation and many others is becoming more focussed on protecting people from being forced into doing something that they don’t want to do rather than on the morality of the act. The Bible challenges this view in Rom 1:24-27. Over the last decade or so, practices which God has strictly forbidden have been legalised. The greatest divorce that has happened in the affairs of relationships is the divorce between sex and morality. This divorce has always been around but ever since the permissive sixties it has escalated into an epidemic where today there is now no connection between them. The decree nisi has been issued. When I was a child sex outside marriage was immoral and to live together without being married was to ‘live in sin’. Today those concepts are laughed at and called ‘old fashioned’ because we are living in an enlightened age. The Bible always teaches us that, healthy, life-giving sex cannot be separated from a Godly lifestyle.

Understanding these things about the God given act of sex should have an important effect on our behavior both in church and outside church. We all have a duty of care towards each other to protect the moral purity of the single and married people of our congregations. In practice it means that because men are sexually aroused by what they see the women in the church should dress with all modesty 1 Pet 3 v 3Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Because women are sexually aroused by what they hear the men in the church should guard their mouths and keep them clean from all inappropriate conversation. It is not an act of love to dress or speak in a way that is sexually provocative except to your lawfully wedded partner in private. In the world we all have to battle against the demonically inspired inappropriate sexual behavior that surrounds us. The church should be a haven of modesty. Words that compliment a woman on the desirability of her body should never be spoken in the church. They are reserved to be spoken by a husband to his wife in private. Ladies, there should be no inappropriate displays of flesh in the church for the beauty of your body is for your husband’s eyes only. It is foolish for men and woman to use their bodies as a primary means of attraction because you will be attracting the wrong kind of people. As Hebrews says ‘the bed is undefiled’ so in the privacy of your marriage you are free to let it all hang out, modesty can be left behind the moment the door is closed. If it blesses and builds up your partner, is full of loving consideration for their desires, do it.

The Gay Issue

Because the Bible is so clear on the subject of homosexuality and lesbianism it seems surprising that the issue is causing so much of a problem in the church. Today there are several notable Christian people who challenge our traditional teaching on the gay issue on the grounds that as long as you remain celibate then your gay tendencies are acceptable; it is only the practice of it that is wrong. That is like saying that sin is acceptable as long as you don’t practice it. This is based on the thinking that people are born gay and they can’t help the way they were born and Scriptures about God being part of who we are before we were born are used to justify this approach. God made His creation, including people, to be either male or female. Before the fall no one would have been born with a tendency to be gay so that bias has only entered into the human race as part of the inheritance of sin. This means that our attitude towards it should be that it is an unacceptable lifestyle for a Christian and something we have been delivered from by our salvation. Unfortunately the world has the attitude that, not discriminating against someone because of race, gender or sexual orientation means you have to accept their lifestyle as equal to yours; this is not the way God sees it. God discriminates against nobody. ‘Whoever will may come’ is the Gospel call. Jesus’ salvation is for all. He died for all and all are welcome but whoever comes must be born again to new life because nothing that is unclean or defiles can enter into the kingdom of God. The bible says that there is no other name in earth or heaven by whom man may be saved but this narrow exclusive door to life is so that none need be left out, all may go in. There is another notice on this door and it says ‘you can’t bring your sinful lifestyle in here’ no matter how it manifests itself. This difficult day of the acceptance of any lifestyle on the grounds of a non-discriminative culture is a well crafted lie of the enemy to keep people trapped in their destructive ways of living so he can populate hell. Our well-being is based on Godliness and Holiness not self-indulgence and self-satisfaction. It is true that people who are gay should not be treated any differently than anyone else. After all, the church is not supposed to permit any sinful lifestyle to be practiced by its members but rather to lovingly bring correction that will lead to repentance. The unrepentant are not permitted to hold office on the danger of ‘a little leaven affecting the whole loaf’.